RE humour...

You may have heard about the dyslexic agnostic who lay awake at night wondering if there was a Dog.

 

(The old ones are the best...)

 

 

If you go to Ikea (this is true), you can buy a table called a 'Vika'.  Better still, the legs for this table are called 'Vika Curry'.

 

 

True stories from the classroom:

 

Cute Catholic kids:

 

At a parish church recently, the priest asked some first communion candidates what they were going to be working for.  Small voice piped up:  'First holy chameleon.'

 

Discussion in first communion class with tinies about the virtue of patience.

Teacher:  'Do you know what patience is?'

Small person, anxious to finish the class:  'Yes.  It's when you have to WAIT AND WAIT AND WAIT AND WAIT.'

 

 

 

It's always important to make sure your students know their spellings.  I've had a number who've talked about the time when Jesus healed a leaper.

Conjures up images of Christ trying to cure someone while the leaper's bounding off into the distance...

 

Then there was the student who wrote 'Thomas Cranmer was burnt to a steak.'

 

And another who wrote, 'It was at this point that Constantine lost his roll in the Mediterranean.'

 

And I once set Year 8 an exam.  They had a copy in front of them of the Good News Bible's translation of Mark's account of the trial before Pilate.

Question:  What was Pilate's first name?

Answer:  Hurriedly.

Pardon?  'Hurriedly'? 

Then I looked at the text:  'Early in the morning, the chief priests met hurriedly with the elders, the teachers of the law, and the whole council.'

 

Slightly rude, this one, but here goes:

I had set the class a writing task about sexual morality.  One chap wrote a piece which included the immortal sentences:

'Many people consider sex outside marriage to be immoral. 

'I find sex outside acceptable.'

 

A GCSE pupil who wrote that 'John the Baptist and Elijah dressed in the same manor.' 

Presumably tying their bow ties and slipping on their DJs before going down to dinner?

 

Q:  Who was upset when the prodigal son returned home?

A:  The fatted calf.

(Probably true, actually.)

 

Small boy, reading his primary school report, came across the comment on Religious Education.  The words were not familiar and he read it aloud as 'ridiculous education'.

 

We're going to try to update this page regularly.  Do send us your own experiences...